Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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