my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
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