hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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