when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
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