I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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