He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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