I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
