don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
