I want to walk on stilts...naked
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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