you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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