butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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