Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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