Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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