Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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