I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
