my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
