I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
