I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
