The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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