You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
