I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
