what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Randomize
