I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
