My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
