Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
