5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
