i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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