I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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