My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
