I think my fart just growled at me.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
