i permit you to call me
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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