I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
