i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Blood and glitter go together right?
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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