Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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