we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
He kissed a someone with a penis
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
