She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize
