She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
