I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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