I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
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