this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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