Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
