I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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