idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
