Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
