Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
