So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Don't tell me you're on acid again
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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