Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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