So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
