just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize