is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
