K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Randomize
