I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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