I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize