yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
