I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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