I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
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