My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
