she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
So apparently I’m into choking now
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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