coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
