We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
