saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
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