we made out on top of his cat.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Be still, my beating vagina.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
