those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
All the doctor said was why
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize