i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I have so many feelings about this burrito
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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