this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
